When I purchased my first journal, self-reflection was the furthest thing from my mind. I wouldn’t have even known what it was, nor would’ve I been interested if I had. I just wanted a pretty journal. That pretty journal became a landing ground for all the dot points of self-hate and anger that was my life. I wrote, I stabbed, I underlined and I scribbled out - over and over again. And one night, after months of daily writing, I randomly flipped back to the beginning and read every page.
I didn't start my journaling practice with the intention of self-reflection, but that’s what naturally happened, and my entire life changed because of it.
It’s been 10 years since I started writing in that pretty little journal. Here’s what a decade of self-reflection has taught me;
1) Know your cycles and rhythms.
This isn’t about researching cycles - it’s about observing your own needs and patterns. You don't need a fancy tracker or a specific diary. I used an old notebook with 4 headings to represent the weeks and wrote down whenever I noticed something. After 12 months I had a gold mine of insight. Self-reflection is a super power everyone has access to, so claim it.
2) Focus on yourself.
Every time I learnt something new I would try to get those around me to believe or understand what I'd discovered. It only led to friction and resentment. Don’t worry about what others believe, worry about what you believe. One of the most freeing things I ever did was keeping my beliefs private whilst I explored and strengthened my own sense of self.
3) Don’t forget to breathe out.
We hold so much, and we hold it tightly. Let it go, sigh it out! The body stores everything for the mind, so lighten the load. Audibly sigh out loud. Stomp your feet while you’re at it. Let your body breathe out. Start small if you have to. I had to build my confidence with the sounds of release before I could really let loose. And trust me, you want to let loose - it’s glorious.
4) Stop ingesting stuff that makes you feel like shit.
Just because you know, like, or admire a person, doesn’t mean you have to consume everything say or create. I'm forever muting people I like and respect because what they're sharing isn't for me at that point in time. Understanding yourself is hard enough in this technological age, don’t make it harder by prioritising others first. The same goes for food, news, stories, environments, music. If it makes you feel like shit, don’t put it in your body.
5) The words you say, the stories you tell, matter.
Listen to what you repeat about yourself. Your words build your world, and they inform everyone and everything around you - so stop being an arsehole to yourself. My parents told me I wasn’t good enough, I internalised those words and repeated them; that became my world, and it was an absolute bitch for me to dismantle. Pay attention to what you say.
6) Find gratitude.
This is easier said than done, especially when you’re desperate or deeply desiring something different in your life. But here's the thing, it doesn't need to be grand or extravagant, it only needs to be true. The first thing I could truthfully express gratitude for was sitting on the toilet and functioning. You can't fool the universe. There is always something to be grateful for, don’t fake it; find it.
7) Intention is everything.
Knowing why you’re taking an action is extremely powerful. Both in having clarity of direction, and also in understanding what’s driving that direction. When I spent my days mindlessly complaining, my life was one giant complaint. So often we overcomplicate it, give a big fancy speech and throw every single desire into our intention, all in the hopes that something sticks. But the truth is, you only need one small moment to take a breath and be honest with yourself. Why are you doing this?
8) Be prepared for repetition.
Change takes time, becoming a new version of yourself takes time, and practice. So as much as it sucks having to repeat the lessons, they’re your greatest opportunity. Use them wisely. My friend once told me this is the spiral of life. Do not discount its value. You’re not stuck repeating a pattern in a linear circle, no, you’re simultaneously going around and down - yes, down - into the heart of your truth. Keep going.
9) It’s not all peaches and cream.
There is no light without the dark. Your life will change, it will get better, you will get stronger - and you will still face challenge. It’s a necessary part of the process. Don’t mistake the dark for something bad, evil, or wrong. It’s simply all the parts of you still needing love. My dark is the very reason I stand here today with knowledge, experience and wisdom. Befriend your dark, it has much to teach you.
10) There is no such thing as the wrong path.
I cannot stress this enough. All experiences hold value. Every direction is leading you home. Even if you go the long way round, or hit a million snags on the way - you’re always heading home. Every choice you make leads you home, even when it takes you further away. So slow down and acknowledge how far you’ve come. This walk of life is the only path you’re on, no matter what road you take. Keep going, you’re doing an amazing job.
My decade of self-reflection culminated in my first published book; Hope: A Journey of Self Love. A story lived and told, with original journal entries from some of the darkest times in my life. Writing this book has given me the opportunity to show others the intricacies of finding oneself and how to re-create the story we tell ourselves.
I am incredibly proud of these words and would be endlessly grateful for any support you might be able to give - whether that be purchasing my book, sharing my content, or offering prayers and well wishes.
Thank you kindly.
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